For what it's worth

December 21, 2012


I disappeared for a year and there's a number of reasons for that. There's also a reason for why I'm returning.

I've lost myself and once upon a time, this is where I'd find her. Therefore, I'm going to write until there's nothing left to say. I'm going to write until I feel naked and exposed.

I don't care who reads this and I don't care if it's any good. I'm going to be honest and I'm going to move forward. I'm going to figure out who I am and I'm going to finally be okay with that.

I can't exactly answer why I started blogging. To write? To take photos? To feel less alone? I'm not entirely sure but the last thing I expected was for anyone to follow along.

I blissfully and ignorantly managed QQueen of Hearts expecting nothing and everything. However, the more I wrote the more people started to take notice.

Sponsors contacted me, other blogs wanted an interview, Seventeen Magazine sent me an email, I was invited to Jean Paul Gaultier's showroom and asked to audition for MTV.

QQueen of Hearts ventured into a direction I never believed it would.

During this time I moved to Toronto, began a relationship and made new friends. It was then people in my past and present discovered that I was writing in this little nook of the internet.

Naturally, I panicked.

It's one thing to have strangers from around the world reading what I have to say but it's an entirely different thing to have people from real life doing the same.

That's when I stopped writing for me. Every post was fake; just a string of words talking about something I had no interest in. Maybe I stopped caring or maybe I just didn't have the guts to be an open book anymore.

Whatever the case, I disappeared for a year.

Yet, there's been a void growing inside of me ever since I stopped writing. I'm losing a grip on the person I want to be. She is not insecure. She is not jealous. She is not hateful or vindictive. She is smart, she is ambitious, she is worthy of it all.

She's just lost at the moment.

So here I am. Not returning as QQueen of Hearts but as Zoe Badley.

I'll no longer be taking sponsorships, running ads, or hosting contests.

Instead, I'll be writing whatever the hell I feel like writing whenever the hell I feel like writing it.

-- Badley

33 comments:

  1. Good, because I missed you. :)

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  2. Firstly, I haven't read all of this post just yet. But I have to tell you the moment your face appeared I literally said "YAY! she's back!" out loud.

    Now, I am off to read the rest. I am glad you have returned.

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  3. Fair play, welcome back. :0)

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  4. Well come back :)
    http://shradhaloves.blogspot.co.uk/
    S xx

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  5. I like this & I like you. Go for it, girl.

    Allie at alliewears.com

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  6. Welcome back! I'm excited to read your future posts, these are the kind of blogs I love!

    http://rafflesbizarre.blogspot.co.uk

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  7. HELL YES I'm so glad you're back!!

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  8. Girl, I'm happy you're back and believe me you'll find yourself. Take it one day at a time love :)

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  9. this is timely, i thought of you yesterday wondering where on earth you are.
    I'm glad to see you blogging again Zoe.

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  10. I hear the determination in your voice and I'm loving it. :) What was special about your blog? Definitly your writing and fun fashion sense ( disko pants and onesies ;) ) I also loved your inspiration posts.. But I'm also really open to see what new direction you want to take your blog. :p

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  11. sounds wonderful. write what you want - at the end of the day, you only have to please yourself. :) your words are pure and honest. <3

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  12. Happy you're back. Looking forward to reading your post whenever you feel the urge to write. Know that we still love reading your work & seeing how honest this post is.. makes it even better to read :)

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  13. Best damn post my eyes have ever landed on! CONGRATS GIRL. Oh and you were born to write ;)

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  14. I'm glad you're back and on a journey to finding yourself. You are beautiful! Excited to read more posts...
    xx

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  15. Beautiful photo!

    xo Jennifer

    http://seekingstyleblog.wordpress.com

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  16. Definitely glad to have one of my favorite bloggers back :) I am excited to see what the rediscovered you looks like

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  17. Awesome come back, welcome home Zoe! :)

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  18. Glad to know your back and loving it!

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  19. Glad to know your back and your loving what your doing, missed your blog xoxo

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  20. I am so happy that you are back and bless you on your journey.

    Fashion Without Guilt

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  21. It's so great to find someone out there on the internet fashion blogging world that is not in it for the money, fame, free clothes, etc. It's refreshing and I'm looking forward to seeing what's next for you!

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  22. I happy to read you're back and most importanyly; YOU are back, as an individual. I have always liked your "previous" blog, you were yourself. There are a lot of other bloggers who lose themselves with blogging since it seems to be such a popularity contest sometimes.

    X

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  23. Welcome back! I remember when I started out Blogging and I emailed you and asked a question about your hair, and you emailed back! I can tell your such a down to earth and real person, and you've always been in your blog. But it's great to see people just wanting to be raw and not put on a show for everyone. It's all about being true to yourself, and you are beautiful inside and out! Glad you're back :)

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  24. We're just glad you're back Zoe <3

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  25. I love your honesty, Zoe! You were the first fashion blog I stumbled on! Glad you're back!

    Burgundywhispers.com

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  26. I'm sooooo glad you're back!! (You're one of the best, if not only, curly girl hair inspiration I have!)

    Missed you, and I really looking forward to your posts!

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  27. I think this is amazing. I feel like there are so many bloggers that have just become mindless giveaway machines with posts that have absolutely no life whatsoever. It's so REFRESHING that you are a real person and are going to jut be yourself and go back to writing beautiful things. It's very inspirational.

    xo - Akilah

    www.ItsAkilahObviously.com

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  28. <3 Missed you. Hope you find yourself again soon. It is such a relive to read that you feel a certain way when people you know read your blog. I thought I was alone with that feeling. I never like people reading my blog because I feel like the internet me isn't the same me people typically get to know.

    *le sigh*

    xo
    Maggie A
    Love Scrapbook

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  29. HEY just discovered ur blog... love ur style... & very well written post... my blog is relatively new, & whatever u said, m also feeling right now, in the beginning blogging was so much fun, & all I wanted was to get my blog become popular but now that it is getting popular, its not so much fun.. ur newest follower
    http://lets-doll-up.blogspot.com

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  30. Yayyy! I was so excited to see you in my feed again. I havent blogged since Xmas, just lazy and a who cares anyways attitude but I still like reading and catching up. Hello ZoeBadley!

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