feelings

August 25, 2014

(0 comments)
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You know the feeling of not being able to fall asleep? When your heart starts to beat fast and you worry about wasted hours and how you can't bear to be trapped inside any longer? And the air feels sticky as your breath becomes heavy and your thoughts get louder. But you're unsure how to change it and you're scared about the future and all the spaces in between now and then. So you make a cup of coffee. And then another. And you pace the only hallway in your apartment until the sun rises and you tell yourself tomorrow will be better. So hi. Hello. How are you? It's been quite awhile since we last spoke.

I'm currently holding out for tomorrow, how about you?







1. Wolf Parade - I'll Believe in Anything 2. Jungle - The Heat 3. ∆ - Every Other Freckle 4. Sylvan Esso - Hey Mami 5. Chance The Rapper - Smoke Again



previously on xoVain:



previously on Instagram:




Getting a Bumkini to Recreating Solange

June 5, 2014

(2 comments)


If you follow me on Instagram then you probably already know I've started contributing at xoVain. If you live in Toronto and have naturally curly hair then you want to take a visit to The Curl Ambassadors. And if you've never tried a wax before then consider taking the plunge with a Bumkini. To read these articles and more be sure to visit my profile. And if there's anything specific you would like to see covered don't hesitate to leave a comment or email me! I'm always up for a chat, obviously.

xx

Badley

simple symmetry

April 2, 2014

(5 comments)
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xx

i once told myself i'd never write about you
not about the mornings spent together
or the first time i noticed the soft edges of your eyes
i promised to never pen the number of freckles scattered across your milky surface
or share the peculiar ways in which you breath in the middle of the night
i never wanted to describe the warm corners of your neck
or illustrate the winding folds along your hips
i had no need for your hands to be the basis of every narrative
or the desire to seek your lobes whenever i felt cold
see, i knew your fleshy scars would destroy not flourish
the same way your bitten finger nails were never allowed to grow
the tip of your kisses would smother me underwater
and the yellow in your eyes would fill my lungs with salt water
therefore, i would not place you in the centre of my art
for you are a flaw and i need no reminder
that what you do is tarnish and ruin
and i refuse to be amongst your past lovers
painting a face that never mattered

xx

finding unfinished poems from last year and positioning plants in every corner of the apartment,
welcome April.



Stuck between chapters

March 27, 2014

(7 comments)


Women Who Run With the Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D

"An icy attitude will put out a woman's creative fire. It will inhibit the creative function. This is a serious problem, yet the story gives us an idea. The ice must be broken and the soul taken out of the freeze.
When writers, for example, feel dry, dry, dry, they know that they way to become moist is to write. But if they're locked in ice, they won't write. There are painters who are gasping to paint, but they're telling themselves, "Get out of here. Your work is weirdly strange and ugly." There are many artists who've not yet gotten a good foothold or who are old war-horses at developing their creative lives, and yet and still, every time they reach for the pen, the brush, the ribbons, the script, they hear, "You're nothing but trouble, your work is marginal or completely unacceptable -- because you yourself are marginal and unacceptable."



So what is the solution? Do as the duckling does. Go ahead, struggle through it. Pick up the pen already and put it to the page and stop whining. Write. Pick up the brush and be mean to yourself for a change, paint. Dancers, put on the loose chemise, tie the ribbons in your hair, at your waist, or on your ankles and tell the body to take it from there. Dance. Actress, playwright, poet, musician, or any other. Generally, just stop talking. Don't say one more word unless you're a signer. Shut yourself in a room with a ceiling or in a clearing under the sky. Do your art. 

Generally, a thing cannot freeze if it is moving. So move. Keep moving."




                 There's this opportunity to do something different and wonderful and brand new sitting on my doorstep. I have no clue what to do with it just yet. See, for months now I felt inadequate, confined and limited. Completely unenthused, withdrawn and drained. A part of me packed up and walked out the door. Yet everyday my creative spirit begged and grovelled to return. I shut down without wanting to shut down. Going about my day sleeping, waking, eating, commuting, talking, typing, working, and dying. A routine that smothered a fire I worked hard to light. But what did I expect? That's what happens when you stop watching and adding fuel to the embers. The fire extinguishes. It took the end of a day to understand just how frozen I've become.  There's now a yearning bubbling and touching the tips of my fingers and I would be lying if I said I wasn't feeling scared. Not even a whiff of a plan is in the air but at least I finally understand. I need to be mean to myself if I want to survive. A different kind of mean but mean nonetheless.

I think I'm scared. 

Badley


A quick hello

July 15, 2013

(13 comments)
"Do you know where the wild things go? 
They go along to take your honey, la, la, la 
Break down now, weep, build up breakfast now 
Let's eat my love, my love, love, love, la, la, la"




Summer has made me her bitch and between crying, celebrating, and working I've barely had time to snap pictures (or look decent enough to bother taking any). But here I am, spending the last 20 minutes of my lunch break to drop in and say hello! For the last two months I've been working on a project with a very special lady and of course, I can't share just yet but keep patient. We're both working out the kinks before releasing any information (eeee so excited that I've had to remove 10 exclamation marks). Anyway, I was recently featured in the Toronto-based magazine Xquisit where I said silly shit because I'm through with taking myself seriously. Okay, time to get back to work! Sorry for any spelling mistake. Miss everyone. xx


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